People Pleasing

Are you a people pleaser by nature?  I sure was!  I was taught growing up that I need to take care of everyone else at the expense of myself and what I truly desired.  I did everything I could to make sure that others liked me, that I fit in with the crowd, that I was accepted. 

I truly believed that how others treated me determined how I felt about myself.   I didn’t understand that until I became an emotional adult and took responsibility for my feelings, my own emotional wellbeing, I would forever be trying to control the uncontrollable. I didn’t understand that other people are not responsible for making me feel good.  I am. 

I didn’t figure this out until coaching. 

My coach Brooke challenged me, asking me questions with curiosity to examine my thinking about my need to please others.  We explored fears, shame around rejection and times in my life when I felt left out or judged.   One thing she said to me that stands out the most is “why are you being a liar”?  She flat out said “people pleasers are liars”. 

What?   A liar?   This one shift and question changed everything for me.  

When she offered me this question and challenged me in this way, at first, I was mad.   I am not a liar, I am an honest, loving person.  Ha! 

She went on to explain that I was lying because I wasn’t acting or behaving authentically.  I wasn’t making decisions based on my true feelings, that felt aligned with what I really wanted.  I was behaving in a way that I thought would please others instead.   I was seeking acceptance and love at the expense of myself!  

Wow!  Mic drop….

I have not been the same since that coaching session.  I know that people pleasing can be a common conditioned tendency that we remain completely unconscious to, if we don’t pay attention and notice it.  I wanted to continue learning what it means, not to be an emotional child, but an emotional adult.   I decided that day that I no longer wanted to wait for another person’s behavior to change, in order for me to feel good about myself.   I can choose to love myself unconditionally, no matter what others think, feel, or do.   Judgers – bring it on, think or say what you will.   Quickly, this confidence took over with new thoughts that I generated about myself, which led to positive emotion and self-love.   

I live authentically, not perfectly and in alignment with who I am and the future me that I am on my way to becoming.   

Ready to join me?